Lose-Lose Situation
Tack this on as yet another reason why I am headed straight for hell... but I LOVE reading news stories where gays get caught with their pants down (especially when they are hypocritical legislators.) On the one hand it's sad that they are closeted, bored, or sexually frustrated enough that they resort to scandalous public rendezvous in an effort to "find love" (like that euphemism?) On the other, it's just so great to hear their nonsensical reasons for why authorities erroneously interpreted the situation as them looking for a quickie. My personal favorite has always been Florida representative Bob Allen, who'd rather you think he's racist than a (God Forbid!) homosexual!
One of today's Houston Chronicle headlines takes the "I wasn't looking for sex" denial to a whole new level. A Houston doctor was caught in typical fashion at Memorial Park. The defense given at trial was the accused doctor just wanted to talk when the undercover officer suggested they "compare stomachs." The doctor was apparently uncomfortable with this, but still agreed to do so behind the public restroom. He was then arrested and later convicted for "indecent exposure." His sentence was reduced to a simple "two years of community supervision."
It's here that I think to myself - dude, you got off with a simple slap on the wrist - it's time to move on, come out, and live gay and free. Instead, the doctor decided to appeal with new evidence: his freakishly small penis!! You see, he apparently has a 2.8 incher he is so ashamed of that he would never dare show it to anyone other than his loving wife. Plus, even if he had flashed his crotch, his penis is so small that his palm would have fully concealed it, which, in effect would mean he never technically exposed himself. The judging panel dismissed the doctor's appeal ruling that this new evidence was insignificant to the original verdict. (I'm pretty sure his loving wife would agree to its insignificance as well!)
So are you ready to throw in the towel yet, doc? Embrace your homosexuality and there just may be a light at the end of your tunnel. Sure you'll lose the sex with your loving wife... but now you can be the power bottom you were obviously born to be.
One of today's Houston Chronicle headlines takes the "I wasn't looking for sex" denial to a whole new level. A Houston doctor was caught in typical fashion at Memorial Park. The defense given at trial was the accused doctor just wanted to talk when the undercover officer suggested they "compare stomachs." The doctor was apparently uncomfortable with this, but still agreed to do so behind the public restroom. He was then arrested and later convicted for "indecent exposure." His sentence was reduced to a simple "two years of community supervision."
It's here that I think to myself - dude, you got off with a simple slap on the wrist - it's time to move on, come out, and live gay and free. Instead, the doctor decided to appeal with new evidence: his freakishly small penis!! You see, he apparently has a 2.8 incher he is so ashamed of that he would never dare show it to anyone other than his loving wife. Plus, even if he had flashed his crotch, his penis is so small that his palm would have fully concealed it, which, in effect would mean he never technically exposed himself. The judging panel dismissed the doctor's appeal ruling that this new evidence was insignificant to the original verdict. (I'm pretty sure his loving wife would agree to its insignificance as well!)
So are you ready to throw in the towel yet, doc? Embrace your homosexuality and there just may be a light at the end of your tunnel. Sure you'll lose the sex with your loving wife... but now you can be the power bottom you were obviously born to be.
Labels: OTR News
posted by Brian at
11:47 AM
4 Comments:
This is only funny when police do not catch YOU, the reader.
While this story is sadly hilarious, it is bullshit that police officers get paid to chase gays in bathrooms, closeted or not.
I hate when I hear about one of these stories, even when it involves a Republican. These "crimes" rank just below handing out alcohol violations to of-age people floating down the Guadalupe River with jell-o shots, in terms of "meaningful contribution to our communities."
I will gladly represent anyone accused of any such crime! Just call the Huntsinger Law Offices at 707-9900!
OMG he did that to me at Club Houston! I was just MINDING my OWN business, trying to entice this hot, towel-wearing, undercover cop into my room to smoke some CRYSTAL METH when this decrepit DOCTOR darkened the door saying he needed some "trade"!
He proceeded to ATTEMPT to expose his 2.1" penis in front of me, but his SILVER PUBES completely covered it. I asked if he was a TRANNY and mentioned that I was NOT into pre-op liver spots. "I'm a doctor, boi...wanna be my houseboiiiieee?, he mumblecackled. He even turned up the light and then tried to subdue my visibly rising temper by tell me how "innocent and beautiful" I was! LIES! Then he reached for the chest hair...
Well, that did it. I could hear my undercover sting-daddy coming down the hall, this time with handcuffs and a radio, so I quickly grabbed ALL of my paraphernalia (but not my drugs!) and shoved them into the supposed TRANNY DOCTOR's arms, pushed him out into the hall, and yelled, "Oh mah GAH! I will NOT smoke yer CA-RACK or your homosexual gay PENISUHHH! Get your paraphernalia and your ass OUT of my room before I call the COPSSSSS!"
Upon slamming the door I heard him being taken down and dragged away. I took this opportunity to change rooms and call in an anonymous tip about a drug deal going down at the Museum of Fine Arts down the street. Within moments it was on the news channel between porn stations, the undercover cop saw it, and took off so he could get in on the action.
Damned rude professional gay men! That'll teach you to expose yourself to "innocent", "young", "bottoms!"
Wait...no quotations for the last word - that one's accurate.
Bravo!
ummm anyone looking to buy me a gift... look no further:
http://gayrepublicancards.com/cards.html
loves it.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home